patience.

I just went through probably one of the longest weeks of my life thus far.

Without trying to sound too dramatic, it was agonizing waiting for the phone to ring. There's an eight-hour time difference, so I kept half-expecting that the phone would ring at some point during the night while I was asleep. It didn't, so I went through a few nearly sleepless nights waiting for a phone call that finally came today. I know that it was just a plane ride to a place not so near here and that he wouldn't be in danger yet, but it was still hard for me to not know that he got there safely or that he was getting acclimated to the new environment or that emotionally he was doing all right. When it's your husband and best friend, it's just hard not to know. So when I heard his voice today it felt so good and so heartbreaking at the same time. He's okay, but he's not here and he's probably feeling the same way.

I don't think that I'll ever really get used to this, but you can bet that I'll be so thankful to put my arms around him again.

the inevitable

Jess is headed out on a plane tonight, hopefully at the scheduled time of 1 a.m. I say hopefully because I don't want him to have to wait around for hours to get on a sixteen-hour plane trip. I pray that everything will go smoothly.

I love him so...

he makes me laugh,

he makes me feel beautiful every day that I'm with him,

he lets me be ridiculous but doesn't make me feel ridiculous,

he does all sorts of "tall" things for me around the house since I'm wicked short (lol),

he helps me relax,

he keeps my feet warm at night,

he laughs at my jokes,

he's gentle and strong at the same time,

he calls me "Sweetie,"

he listens to all of my school stories without seeming bored,

he enjoys 30 Rock and the John Malkovich "Caal-kyah-lay-tah" SNL sketch as much as I do and will tolerate several episodes of Gilmore Girls in a row,

he can pick me up and crack my back when I need it fixed,

and he's willingly and patiently been Daddy to my daughter.

I love him for all the strengths and weaknesses that make him who he is, but mostly just because he loves me for some crazy reason or another. So of course I don't know how I'm going to deal with this.

I'm trying really hard to convince myself that these months will go by really quickly because I'll be so busy with work and Adelle and grad classes, but it's not easy right now. And I'm trying really hard to not just blurt out every emotion I'm feeling right now all over this blog. Jesse told me tonight on the phone that I'm stronger than him a lot of the time, and even though I didn't feel that way it made me feel better to hear him say it. I know that he'll call me in a couple of days and that it's just a plane ride, but it's just the idea of him flying so very far away from me as I sleep tonight that is getting to me. I can't imagine how he might be feeling right now.