a long hiatus, no?

Yes, it's been a while, but I'm still here. ;)  Life just happens too fast for me these days, and my poor neglected blog has ended up being pushed to the bottom of the pile.  ;)  I just wanted to take a moment tonight to write a few things that are on my heart, though a proper update is definitely in order soon.  I miss writing, and I miss being able to look back to what I've written to see how far I've come and how we've all grown.  These days I'm knee-deep in the throes of mothering three amazing kids and working full-time, and that is all I can do at the moment, with little bits of my "old life" thrown in every now and again to keep me sane.  I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and enjoy this crazy ride, because it IS hard these days...but I am so lucky to be where I'm at right now.  I should go to bed, but what's another twenty minutes to write down a bit of my life tonight?

• Arden Claire is turning 9 months old tomorrow.  Nine. Months. Old.  How?!?  I swear that the past nine months has gone by in a blink.  This little nugget has now been sitting up on her own, crawling, and pulling up to stand for the past two months.  I suspect that sometime this week she will no longer be a toothless wonder because she's definitely got some swollen gums and isn't her normal happy little self these days (though a much happier teether than her big brother, that's for sure!).  We're still making nursing work even though it's not the most fun I've ever had having to pump at work these past couple of months, so I'm pretty proud of the fact that we're continuing on our breastfeeding journey.  She's now added a quite a taste for solid food to her menu, and you can tell she loves when she is able to eat real food with us.  This little miss is such a blessing to me, and I live for her smile.  :)
• My sweet Jackson boy will be turning two and a half years old on Tuesday!  He continually impresses me with his brains and with his stubbornness.  ;)  This little guy has been pretending so much lately, and I have to say that it's quite adorable to listen to his little games as he plays them.  He is such a talker, and he has quite an extensive vocabulary from picking up new words and phrases that we use and that he hears on t.v.  This kid is, as they say, "all boy."  I'm pretty sure that is just a code word for "nonstop" and "crazy" and "wicked stubborn," but you know I love all that about him anyway.  He loves to play outside, to eat bananas and noodles, and most of all, he loves his "bink" and blue blankies.  ;)  Jackson still wakes up typically two or three times a night, which is the most challenging thing about him.  In an effort to try to figure out a reason as to why he is such a terrible sleeper, I took him to a sleep study recommended by his ENT doc.  It was heart-wrenching to watch him get hooked up to the machines and to see him like that, but we're all at the end of our rope with waking up every night at this point.  I'll keep on doing whatever I need to do, but I decided that if they can tell me if something's wrong that I'd like to know.  It's been a long month while we wait for the follow-up appointment to hear the results, but tomorrow we go to the doctor for that appointment.  I'm so anxious to hear the results...I don't want anything to be wrong with him, but I do want to know if something is wrong.
• Adelle is almost a quarter of the way through third grade...eight years old going on sixteen!  I wish that she would slow down sometimes and be a kid, but sometimes I forget that she is just a kid and can't always be as responsible as I'd like her to be. We butt heads a lot these days because she's really starting to assert her independence and I'm not always able to be as patient as I'd like since I'm under a lot of stress and not getting much sleep. I'm working on developing personal responsibility in her, but I think it's going to be a challenge for both of us.  ;)  As she grows, I see so many similarities and differences between the two of us...it's hard recognizing things in your kid that you know were challenges for you personally.  I love when we get the time to just spend time together and do things that we enjoy, but the truth is that in this busy life we're leading, it's tough to just have time together when we don't have to do anything except just be together.  Normally, spending time together is something more like I'm packing lunches and washing dishes while Adelle does her homework and eats her bedtime snack.  I really want to get into a better groove about spending equal amounts of time with each of my babies...especially my Adelle, who I think is feeling neglected by her mama these days because the little ones need so much attention these days.  I love seeing how much she loves music and how funny she can be.  She's such a fun, quirky person!

balance.

Life just IS right now.  I've been back to work for three full weeks now, and we're all hanging in there even though it's not the easiest thing in the world.  Nothing will ever be perfect, and though I expect a lot out of myself regardless...I think I'm getting better at just doing what I can do and not guilt-tripping myself about what I can't do at the moment.  I love where I'm at in life even though it feels difficult and messy and out-of-control at times.  I love seeing my family together and realizing how much we all love each other and knowing that this is just how it is  supposed to be.  

I know this is my season in life right now and that being a mama of three is who I'm supposed to be.

Even through all of the overwhelming moments of...

...the toddler throwing ridiculous tantrums and 

...the eight-year-old asking for a puppy yet again and 

...the baby crying for no apparent reason and 

...the mama loading and unloading the dishwasher again even though somebody else could do it and

...the baby sometimes staying up insanely late yet still looking unbelievably cute and happy to be awake and 

...the mama rushing through dinner because the baby needs to nurse and

...the older sister tormenting the younger brother just for fun and

...the teacher going home during a break at work because some of the pump parts are still there and 

...the toddler waking up three times last night because he still doesn't sleep through the night and probably won't ever and

...the husband falling asleep in the toddler bed again instead of helping with the housework...and...

I'm sure you get the picture.

And yet for every moment of frustration and irritation and exhaustion...and there are lots of them...there are myriad moments of such love and such beauty that they more than make up for the difficulties.

Like...

...that baby smiling when she sees her mama come home after work and

...that daddy laying with his son to help him go to sleep

...that toddler telling his mama that he's her "cute baby elephant" while giving the best hugs and

...that husband remembering to bring home milk on his way home from work and

...that eight-year-old asking, "Was I good today, Mommy?" because she's really trying to please her mama and 

...that teacher getting to talk to her adult friends at work once again and

...that little girl coloring with her mama and prattling on about anything on her mind while her mama listens and

...that little boy excitedly running to the door to get his shoes because his mama's taking him outside to play and

...that mama breathing a sigh of relief after actually getting all of the kids to bed at a decent time and

...that baby sighing a sleepy little squeak of contentment after nursing and

...that husband embracing his wife in such a tender and rare moment alone...and...

I'm sure you get the picture.  :)

Stopping to think about all of this seriously just makes my heart so full of emotion that I think it's going to burst.  It's overwhelming to think of how amazingly fortunate I am to have three healthy children and a husband who is committed to our family.

It's true that I don't have a lot of "me" time right now, but that's okay.  It's true that Jesse and I don't have a lot of time alone, but that's all right.  Someday, I'll have more time to organize and decorate and have hobbies and things like that.  Someday, I'll get to leave the house for more than just work and going on my weekly trip to the grocery store.  Someday, Jesse and I will get to go on a real date instead of rushing out of the house to steal a couple of hours together as a couple.  Someday, my house will be in an actual clean state instead of just an acceptable level of clean. ;)  Someday, I'll have more opportunities to spend time with friends.  But for right now, I'd rather be able to live in the moment and not put pressure on myself that I should be doing anything more than what I am doing...which is working full-time at a job that I love, being a full-time mama to three kids that I love more than life itself, and being a wife to the most incredible guy I know.  I'm working on balance and keeping my perspective on what I know to be important rather than getting caught up in the small stuff.

thoughts.

Why is it that I have so much to say and write when I don't have the time to write right now?  I feel like there's so much going on with me emotionally/life-wise/maturation-wise right now that I have some at least semi-profound things to share but there's just. no. time.  Keeping up with three kiddos will do that to you, I suppose.  I feel like I'm always one step behind in a never-ending marathon that is just...life.  I'm not complaining; I just think that that is what this season of my life is like.  I like to think of myself as a writer, maybe not a super-talented one, but a writer nonetheless; I have words inside of me that thirst for an outlet, things that I feel led to share for some reason.  I don't kid myself that I have this enormous audience reading my thoughts (nor do I know if I would feel all that comfortable having a big audience...), but I still love being able to sit down and share through this medium because I know that my words will touch the people that they're *supposed* to touch.  Every day as I'm doing my thing with the kids, I compose letters to them in my head...maybe that sounds weird but there are so many things I want to tell them about themselves and about what I see in them as they grow and about how much I love them.  I'm always hoping at some point to be able to sit down and write those letters down with the same feeling that I have in my heart for them.

For right now, here's the major thought that keeps pouring into my mind, the one that I always come back to despite the frustrations and the little annoyances and the late nights and the early mornings and the always having to put "me" on hold...I'm unbelievably blessed with such three beautiful, amazingly smart, incredibly precious children and a fantastic husband who always does his best to support me and help me in any way that he sees that he is able.  I have no words that can adequately express these feelings, but I will try...and that's all any writer can promise.

Ten Laws of Life

I found these written down in a notebook I was found through tonight, and I wanted to remember these things but feel bad that I can't credit the source. I may look it up so that I can post these in my classroom, because I think they're good to keep in mind and to teach to kids.

1. You either get it, or you don't.
2. You create your own experience.
3. People do what works.
4. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
5. Life rewards action.
6. There is no reality, only perception.
7. Life is managed; it is not cured.
8. We teach people how to treat us.
9. There is power in forgiveness.
10. You have to name it before you can claim it.

new goals.

study spanish this summer so that i can be a better teacher of the language and feel more confident of my speaking ability. i'm thinking of going back to school for a master's in linguistics or phonetics since i loved that course in my undergrad at GCC.

plant some flowers and trees in our yard.

organize the closets in our house, especially the pantry closet so that it can become a useable space. we need to get some shelving put into the closets so that we can store things in them.

inspiration.

Just made this on Picnik from a photo found on tumblr and a

quote found on Pinterest...yay for for social networking, no? ;)

Glowbug Cloth Diaper Giveaway :)

Just a quick post to mention another cloth diaper giveaway at ELF: A Family Blog.

Click here to go to the giveaway post or on the button below:

Good luck! Keeping my fingers crossed that I get to try out a Glowbug cloth diaper for free since I'm trying to get back into cloth diapering again.