For those of you who don't know what it is or that I have it...this is fibromyalgia:
I wake up every morning aching all over. I wake up every morning feeling exhausted. I wake up every morning feeling like I can't get out of bed because I don't have the energy to face the day with this pain. I wake up every morning wishing that I knew what it was like, or that I could even remember what it was like, before this was my reality.
My reality is that I somehow have this disease, which has no real known causes except that it could be due to stress or hormonal changes from my pregnancy. My reality is that I don't have the energy to play with my daughter the way I wish I could. My reality is that I usually feel like I can't get accomplished the things I need to do in a day. My reality is that it's not just a physical thing, but a mental fog that is also somehow present. My reality is that much of the time I don't know how to deal with this being a part of my life.
It feels like this huge burden that limits me. It limits me physically because I can't do some things I'd like to like run around with my baby girl or go jogging like I used to because my body will hurt even worse. It limits me mentally because I have this malicious sense of exhaustion about me all the time. I don't want this to be the state I always live in. I don't want this to be the only mommy my daughter knows.
I want my life back.