yikes.

The end of the school year is coming up. That's a good thing, and a bad thing because of how jam-packed it makes my life and because of how apathetic or hyper it makes some students. I've had such a busy Memorial Day weekend and didn't do much of anything in the way of schoolwork besides finish up my grad class. (But whew! That was a relief!) My thoughts keep jumping around from one thing to the next as I try to do things; it truly feels like I've got ADD haha. The one word that keeps coming to my mind tonight as I hurry to get something accomplished is frenetic. I'm probably being at least slightly overdramatic :) ...but I hate feeling that way, but I thought maybe writing about it would help me decompartmentalize.

On my to-do list:

- Check all of those papers in my bag so that I can actually calculate final grades

- Fill out the final report cards for my students for this year

- Attend IEP meetings for all special ed students coming to second grade students coming

- Write down well-thought-out plans for the sub who will be in my room while I attend those IEP meetings (lol)

- Plan a special luau-themed day for Wednesday with real learning opportunities and fun activities

- Make it through Field Day on Friday

- Do all of the above things without any scheduled planning/prep time since I'll be attending IEP meetings during my prep period tomorrow and since my kids don't have any other special classes this week (which is my prep period)...this is the big challenge haha

- Clean up and pack up my room for the summer

- Organize all the photos I took at school this year and make CDs for students to take home as souvenirs from second grade

- Plan what I'm going to do and say when I meet next year's class next week

- Spend quality time with my daughter

- Work out at the Y at least two times this week to continue feeling like I'm working towards getting fit and to relieve stress (lol!)

It's all in the works but I am feeling stressed about everything because there's so much right now. In about 8 days, I'll be feeling much calmer about things and probably rejoicing a little over the end of my school year and the beginning of summer vacation...

new kitties.

Tonight, Adelle and I got a pair of kittens from a very nice woman outside of Greenville. Adelle's been wanting to get a pet for months, probably ever since I sent Daphne to live at Mom's for various reasons. I loved her, but basically she wasn't an inside cat. This time, I wanted to get two because I thought maybe that would keep them entertained during the day while I'm at work and no one's at home...and because I always feel bad taking a kitten away from everyone and all that they know; at least taking two from the same litter might help them feel more at home. Maybe I'm just a softie, but I guess that's probably why. Anyway, Adelle is over the moon with having her own kitties in the house, and I'm going to work harder to make sure she learns how to get them to like her this time ;) lol. I don't think Daph ever warmed up to Adelle, which was another reason she left our house. Jesse approved of the idea of getting two :) a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned it to him.

Anyway, we decided that Adelle should name one and that I should name the other kitty. I have no idea where she got the idea, but she named the male kitten Murphy on the way home, and I named the female kitten Stella after we got home. So Stella and Murphy it is...and I am happy with those names since they're not conventional kitty names like Fluffy and Snowball. I tend to go with nonconventional pet names...Calvin, Homer, Winston, Sancho, Daphne, etc.

This is Murphy.

This is Stella.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mommies out there! Last year, my Jesse took Adelle out to get me a gift, which was such a sweet thing for him to do. I know I'll be missing him this year (What else is new?), but at least it's not Wife's Day...haha. A friend and I are planning on taking our girls to the Pittsburgh Zoo tomorrow, so it will be a day spent making memories with our kiddos.

eight things.

Kristin tagged me to do this cute little list thing, so here are my answers:

8 Things I am Looking Forward to:
1. Jesse coming home in August!
2. Summer!
3. Being done with all but two of my grad classes by the end of the summer!
4. Joining the YMCA and working out occasionally!
5. Painting Adelle's room this summer!
6. Getting a pet!
7. Putting an addition onto the house someday so we have more space!
8. Having another baby someday!

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Put in some stone edging around a (soon-to-be) flower bed in front of the porch
2. Played on the swings at the park
3. Ate a cheeseburger
4. Laughed with Delle
5. Put a Band-Aid on my daughter's blister
6. Unexpectedly got to visit with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and niece Mariah
7. Hung out with Mikki and Brooklyn in the sunshine
8. Wrote a letter to Jesse...

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Hug Jesse right now or at least before August
2. Actually finish up my grad school project instead of procrastinate
3. Be more patient with my students and my daughter
4. Be more productive in general
5. Keep my house tidier so I'm not embarrassed when people drop by lol
6. Spend more time with friends that I rarely get to see
7. Study in a Spanish-speaking country
8. Get more sleep

8 Shows I Enjoy:
1. The Office!
2. American Idol
3. Fringe
4. Gilmore Girls
5. Seinfeld
6. Family Guy
7. SNL
8. Clean House

I'm not tagging 8 people because I don't know 8 people with blogs lol. And the ones that I do know who have blogs were already tagged. :) If you read this and own a blog, consider yourself tagged!

countdown to a hug.

I just realized after posting a comment on someone else's blog that the profile picture that I've got on here is over a year old...so I decided to remedy that. I love that picture of Adelle...plus it makes me think of Jesse because that's his hat with all of his Army mumb0-jumbo embroidered on it...you know, C Co, 2-112th, etc...haha. Apparently he didn't need a winter hat in the desert...go figure. ;)

I got to talk to my husband on Easter, which was really nice. Even nicer was the surprise that I got that day...finding out that Jess will be coming home a month before I expected. Hopefully I don't bore anyone with specifics, but apparently they have to take a 30-day "leave" before the end of their one-year tour of duty...before we thought that he was going to have a 30 days of paid "leave" once he returned home in at the end of his tour of duty in September. Anyway, that's the word on the street for now...but as I've learned throughout the past few months of being and Army wife, nothing in the Army is ever real until it actually happens because everything's constantly changing! So while I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case something changes.........I'm WICKED EXCITED that I will get to see Jesse in August, especially since that means that we'll get to share our wedding anniversary together!

According to a virtual countdown clock I just googled, that's 124 days away. Yes, it's still like four months away...but it feels SO much better to know it's a month less than I was preparing myself for. :) At the same time, it's hard to be patient and to realize that we have been apart so long and that there is still so much to go...but we'll get there eventually. I have quite the busy summer planned (three grad classes, short roadtrip/concert with my best friend, family vacation at a state park, and all the stuff Adelle has planned for us to do too...Pittsburgh Zoo, Erie Zoo, swimming, Idlewild, etc....oh, and she wants to go to the Okefenokee Swamp which we read about in one of her books lol), so that should help.

This year, I'm not counting down the days until the end of school...I'm counting down the days until I get a hug from my husband. <3

perspective.

Live each season as it passes.

~Thoreau~

Our strength grows out of our weakness.

~Emerson~

I've not updated in quite a while, but I've been keeping pretty busy lately. Overall, things are okay. I feel very up and down, but I think that's probably normal. I struggle a lot with feeling overwhelmed with the whole situation...I recently wrote Jesse that the hardest thing for me is that it's so easy to become overwhelmed and let emotions take over and just get caught up in feeling sad or hopeless. It's amazing how quickly I can go from feeling fine one moment, and then completely weighed down and inundated with emotion after letting my thoughts stray to how much I miss him...being angry that he hasn't called lately...being worried about his safety...feeling frustrated that "I" have to do "everything" at home...wondering about how he's really feeling... Tears come easily these days. And at that point it's almost like I feel stuck there in that emotion and at times I have such a hard time getting out of it. Okay...I'm not going to bemoan the fact that I'm feeling this way by writing a whole lot more about it, but I truly do appreciate prayer. One good thing about this is that I am continually reminded how weak I am, and that I need to remember that His strength is sufficient. Mine never will be no matter how hard I try to convince myself.

A little over a month ago, an eighth-grade teacher at my school was life-flighted to the hospital after breaking his back. Obviously, this was something that would be very tragic but there is more to the story than just an injury. A friend called 911 and reported that Bret was unable to feel his legs after a fall down 17 steps. The truth came about about a week afterwards that that "friend" had been driving while intoxicated (Bret was a passenger in the back seat), wrecked his car, and tried to cover up the accident by removing an injured man from the scene and having a friend tow the wrecked car and hide it under a tarp in a garage. The young men involved in the accident then transported Bret to an apartment, pulled him up 17 stairs, and refused to call 911 until Bret agreed to "go with" the story that they had fabricated about a fall.

This is definitely sounding tragic, but the best part of the story is that the injured man in the story is a Christian who is leaning on God throughout all of this. Bret had excruciating pain, back surgery, and is now learning how to live life as a paraplegic, but he is trusting in God, witnessing to others in his rehab clinic, and giving thanks despite the trials he faces. He is an inspiration to say the least. Please take a moment to pray for Bret and his fiancee, Amy. Visit their Caring Bridge site for an awesome journal entry and for more information on his story.

It definitely puts my present "sufferings" into perspective. I am blessed.

a long way off.

So, obviously it's Valentine's Day. I'm not that into Valentine's Day, so it's not that big of a deal to me usually...I think that we should treat our loved ones well and show them our love for them every day of the year, not lavish them with special treatment and gifts on some day that Hallmark decided they'd like to sell cards. (Yes, I know that originally St. Valentine was the impetus for the holiday and the love-sharing, but I tend to think that it's become more of a "buy me dinner and chocolate" kind of holiday...forgive me if I'm wrong.)

I'm not that into Valentine's Day, but I still found myself wondering if my husband would remember me in some way. I got an email, and I'll have to be happy with that. At least he remembered that it was Valentine's Day, but a part of me wishes that he had thought that I might like a card or some flowers or something like that...I feel like it's almost hypocritical of me, but even though I already explained my near disdain for Valentine's Day...I wanted to feel special and pampered today because it would show that he's thinking of what he can do for me and how he can show his love for me. So does this mean I'm coming around to celebrating Valentine's Day, or is it just because he's so far from me right now that I'm being sentimental? I don't know...but I know, I'm ridiculous.

Lately, I've been an emotional wreck.

I've been angry at Jesse for not keeping in touch with me as often as I thought he should. I have heard his voice on the phone once about four weeks ago. I have chatted with him on Yahoo Messenger one and a half times...I say "half" because the first time we tried the internet on his end decided to go out when we were trying to chat... :( I got to see him on web cam once while we chatted last Friday. I've gotten probably slightly over half a dozen emails from him since he's been overseas.

I've been depressed for the same reason (not being in touch) and because I have no control over that situation. I can't call him, I can't make him email me, I can't make him get on Yahoo Messenger and IM with me...I can't do anything but hope that he will. I email and write letters and somehow keep hoping.

I've been overwhelmed because I feel like I can't handle it all right now. I don't have energy to keep the house tidy, to play with Adelle, to do the dishes, to put away the laundry that's been in the basket since last week, to give my class the energy and time they deserve through well-thought-out and creative lesson plans each day, to put the curtains up in my bedroom that I bought before Christmas...the list goes on and on and on. I'm not even going to mention my grad school research project because it doesn't exist yet even though I should have started it three weeks ago. Physically, I'm tired. Emotionally, I'm tired. I feel like I can never get away from this overwhelmed feeling. I'm so grateful that I have people who help me with Adelle and who support me in all that I do, because without them I don't know how I'd be doing at anything at all.

One of the hardest things is knowing that Jesse is feeling so depressed and that I can't do much to help him out of it. I'm not trying to make excuses for him not being in touch more (because I still feel that he should be), but I know that he is having such a hard time dealing with this deployment because he feels like he's not there for any reason. And he's not...once his unit finally got to their destination in Iraq, he found out that they don't need his section for what they are trained to do. They re-assigned most of his section to other tasks, but my husband and a couple of others literally have nothing to do. Jesse told me that he feels like there's no reason to get up in the morning...that his only task in the past few days has been helping his lieutenant do paperwork by sitting by his side at the computer and spelling out words for him...that he feels like it's a year out of his life for nothing and he'll be another year behind in what he wants to accomplish. It makes me so sad and angry that he is just sitting around in the desert feeling like that. I can't imagine how hard it is except that I can feel it too in some sense because I am bearing the brunt of how it's making him feel.

Please pray for me and especially for him, that he'll get a better mindset and feel a purpose there. I'd really appreciate it.

sheesh.

I've been worrying quite a bit about something that I didn't think I'd been worrying about right now. Life keeps throwing me curveballs, I think.

But...I'm not going to tell you what it is. Not right now.

LOL.

And I'm out.