mixed emotions.

School's out for the summer!

I got through the last few days without too many snags even though it wore me out, and all the stuff that I listed on my last blog that was stressing me out got done somehow, of course. I said goodbye to my kids and realized how much I will miss them, even the ones who I had to discipline every day and the ones who drove me crazy. I love them all and was proud to be their teacher.

I also said goodbye to my second and third grade teachers, who retired at the end of this year; I was so proud to be their colleague after being in their classrooms, but I don't ever feel like I'll be their equal because they were such wonderful, amazing people and teachers.

And I kept thinking about how Jesse was here at the start of this school year and how he took time off of work to come in and see my classroom and help me with things there (haha...doing some "tall" things that I have trouble doing like taking things down out of the upper shelves and tops of the cabinets and such)...and how I was packing it up by myself and might be starting next school year solo because we still don't have a date for his return. Also, I just found out that a guy from Jesse's unit was killed on dismounted patrol and that they had a funeral for him immediately followed by a 14-hour mission...my heart aches for him because I can't imagine how hard it must be to keep on doing what he's got to do despite what he's been through. And it definitely scares me to have that happen so close to my husband...I try not to worry, but you know it's always there in the back of my mind.

So...overall a very emotional end to the schoolyear because of what I'm going through with Jesse being in Iraq and thinking about how fast life goes anyway.

I'm still processing and thinking about all of that, but it was nice getting to relax today and spend time with people who mean a lot to me. Today my best friend Erin came down with her stepdaughter and we went to see Up (very good but very emotionally intense in parts) and out to dinner. We always have good conversations and I always feel so much more like myself when she's around. I'm blessed to know how it feels to be genuinely understood and cared for by her.

I don't think summer can ever be too long...usually it's too short, especially with taking classes and living life and getting ready to start next school year. But with that said, I think it's going to be a long summer without Jesse...going to work and dealing with all that wonderful work that teachers bring home with them every night and on the weekends somehow kept my mind occupied. Now I've got some free time at night and I think it's going to be hard since I've spent the last three summers hanging out with him at night. Not to mention that I'm starting to really miss him since it's the time we've been apart keeps getting longer and longer. I do feel like this whole deal, while not very positive in itself, is making me realize what's important to me in life...it's clarifying in some way. I try to remind myself little positive things like that...it's what keeps me going at this point.